Realising the Impact of Empathy and Thoughtful Awareness – Part 2

I have had the privilege to volunteer and work at a number of different organizations to help me explore my career goals. I knew I wanted to work in the counselling field but wasn’t sure which area of counselling would be a good fit for me. I wanted to help people in concrete ways. I wanted to help people with a quick fix for mental health symptoms like overthinking and low motivation. As I gained experience in the field, I had to come to terms (and still am!) with the fact that counselling is often an abstract, step-by-step process. Overtime, I have found a sense of grounding in the understanding that genuine connection and helping others build awareness can be a foundation for positive acceptance and life changes.

While attending post-secondary, I worked and volunteered at a retirement home where I saw the gratitude and happiness that seniors felt from a sincere and fun conversation. Many times, they enjoyed sharing their stories (which of course assists in awareness), passing on life advice, and just having a simple, good time. We often separate seniors and youth, but I saw these same desires to be seen, to share stories, and to have a safe, fun social connection in children, teens, and young adults I worked with. When visiting my grandparents and family abroad for long periods of time, I would volunteer at a shelter for children from difficult homes. Here I worked with teenagers and children who just wanted someone to share their stories with and hang out with. Someone they didn’t have to put up a strong front to, someone they felt safe and secure with. I remember one teenager who wrote me a letter thanking me for being friendly and kind, for being non-judgemental even when her peers tried to get a reaction from me about her gender identity exploration. I found the same experience during my practicum at iHuman Youth Society that supports “at-risk youth” in Edmonton. Teenagers and young adults would hang around the counselling area to have a comfortable, friendly place to just be themselves. Out on the street, they were judged by mainstream society for their difficult lifestyle, for any addictions, for any learning difficulties, etc. and had to constantly work at keeping themselves alive and safe. At iHuman, they were in a comfortable place where they could relax and be seen as and explore the complex individual they are. I remember one youth who although his faced many stressors, would always check-in with the workers and be genuinely interested in how we were. Although younger than me, on a number of occasions, he would remind me not to do drugs. Even though he suffered from addictions, he knew drugs weren’t the healthy answer but struggled to find stability in his life. I hope that I was able to communicate with these youth that they were good people, who were much more than “at-risk youth”. 

I also completed part of my practicum at Momentum, a walk-in counselling charity here in Edmonton. This centre’s solution-focused approach allowed me to see and learn how important it is to help people discover their strengths and resources. Awareness of our concerns and difficulties is equally important as awareness of our strengths, resources, needs, and hopes. I worked with many Edmontonians who were nervous about counselling yet had the courage to walk-in for support. They came in for a variety of concerns such as work stress, difficult relationships, and low self-esteem. The majority, if not all, were grateful to be heard, to have a contained, safe space and time to be guided in exploring their concerns and towards manageable steps for improved living. Each counselling session was streamed to the counselling room at Momentum. This allowed the counsellors and students to gain more experience and supervision. This was ridiculously nerve-wracking for me. I remember walking into a session and dropping my pen, then dropping it again a number of times throughout session. Finally, I just named it. I told the client, “wow I probably need a second to get more grounded”. I realised that it wasn’t so scary to admit my nervousness and that clients appreciate the genuineness. With this experience, I decided to (perhaps ironically) use my humility as a way to keep sessions genuine and real. Years later, I’m happy to shared that I have received feedback that this approach has helped clients feel comfortable to thoughtfully explore their life.

I also had the opportunity to volunteer at the Royal Alexandra Hospital psychiatric unit, leading a weekly art group. Patients enjoyed the opportunity to do a fun activity while getting to meet one another in an otherwise intimidating setting. They could set aside their anxiety, their depression, their overwhelming feelings and thoughts and focus on something relaxing and creative. I looked forward to planning art activities each week and tried to provide opportunities for clients to express themselves and realise their potential with art. This was my goal while working as a tutor for high school and university students too. I mostly supported students by editing their papers with them. I realised that we often know what we want to say and think we’re saying it clearly, but it might not come across the same way to others. This applies to our real-life relationships as well. Through tutoring, I had the opportunity to learn about my students, help them recognize their beliefs and values, and how to share their thoughts clearly and authentically.

After completing my education, my first job as a counsellor was at Pilgrims Hospice Society, where I worked for four and a half years. Pilgrims gave me a safe place to grow and learn how to be an effective grief counsellor as I had the opportunity to work in many different areas, from a widows grief group to working with incarcerated youth. I further understood that everyone’s experience was individual and complex and it was my role to help them make some sense of their difficult experiences and healing. Grief in itself is so abstract, confusing, and impacts so many different areas of our life, including our social connections and supports. Validating this confusion and overwhelmingness of grief with empathy often brought relief to clients in first sessions. But, grief is also scary because it makes us realise that life is short. This can be the scariest awareness of all.

In grief counselling (and most counselling), we gradually start to pinpoint why experiences caused the overwhelming feelings they did. With this thoughtfullness, we can start to respond to our experiences rather than react to them. With grief (and many other mental health concerns), we also become confused about our identity and life in general. I often brought up the topic of meaning-making, how does one make sense of life, of death, of everything in between? There’s no right answer and it’s not a simple exploration but with counselling, clients developed understanding of their experiences, beliefs, and values for more thoughtful living.

Empathy and awareness are the first steps, but continuing steps to living a more authentic, meaningful life.

Have you had experiences that helped you realise the importance of empathy and awareness?